How To Be Brave And Face Your Problems When You're Afraid.
Knowing how to be brave when facing adversity is an essential skill we all need to develop if we want our lives to improve.
Let’s be real. How long have you been avoiding dealing with your problems, sweeping them under the rug, expecting that someday, somehow, they will miraculously solve themselves?
Doesn’t it suck when you decide to take a peek under the carpet, and to your dismay, you find out a ton of sh*t you haven’t dealt with in years that should have gone away and now seem to be taking up all the space?
Yes, my friend, having your brain filled with negative thoughts continually reminding you about the issues you have been neglecting, is no fun. It diverts your focus from the important stuff, and until you address them, you won’t be able to function at your best.
The only way to move forward in life is to embrace discomfort and understand that without it, nothing changes. You need to dig deep to find the courage. Otherwise, you will remain stuck in your current situation.
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The Thoughts About Your Problems Are Taking Over Your Brain.
Do you realize these thoughts are taking prime real estate space in your head? Let’s fix that! Getting into the habit of confronting your fears will make you braver and better at dealing with any difficulties thrown in your direction.
A brain dump will help you start off with a clean slate. Grab a piece of paper and a pen, and for five minutes, write everything down that comes to mind.
Look for all the issues lingering around your subconscious written in the paper and make a list. Pick the item you will benefit the most from the list if solved.
Unfortunately, there is no shortcut to becoming a courageous person. You need to practice doing the work, which means moving forward taking action, despite your fear.
Moving To A New Country.
In 2003 when I moved to Canada, I was terrified! I left behind a high paying job and family to explore a life of uncertainty. My savings wouldn’t last long, and I had to start making money sooner than later.
Not mastering the language, I wrote scripts with what I should say and answered all the possible questions it could come up during an interview. Daily, I would read them over and over again.
Soon, I started applying for volunteer positions somewhat related to technology to assist me in getting a job in my field.
That was freaking scary. Imagine! I had to talk to people! My voice was shaky, my English was broken, I didn’t understand half of what the person was saying, and I just wanted to cry. But I did it anyway.
Ladies, the fear was so bad that I couldn’t sleep at night. My mind kept presenting me with the worst-case scenario.
My first volunteer job was in an Art Gallery two hours away. It was in IT—all I did was serving coffee, light cleaning, and carrying boxes.
Even though it was not what I expected, it helped build up my confidence and forced me to interact with others. After three months, I was ready for my next step. Finding a real job.
Looking For A Job.
Committed to doing four cold calls a day, I would get on the phone and leave a message reading from my script. If the person picked up the phone, I would hang up. I also never answered the phone, letting all the calls go to voicemail.
Sometimes I needed to listen to the message repeatedly until I could grasp what the person was saying. Then I had to return the call… this process was brutal and very painful, testing my strength every waking hour!
My desire to settle in Canada was greater than my fear, which motivated me to give all I got to achieve my goal. I shushed the voice in my head telling me I was going to fail and make a fool of myself. And it worked! You must believe you have what it takes to win the battle.
It was not an easy accomplishment. I had to face my fear every single day, but I continued taking action, which made all the difference.
One of the interviews I went to had four individuals in the room plus four on a conference call. I started hyperventilating and panicking. A few deep breaths and talking myself into calming down did the trick. Somehow, I made it to the end. When I stepped outside, I burst into tears, relieved it was over.
Ending A Relationship.
While I was married, one year into the marriage, I knew I had made a big mistake. My ex was a great guy but not the right partner for me. We were not compatible and led very different lives apart.
It took me six years to be brave enough to ask for a divorce. SIX YEARS y’all! During that time, I was very unhappy and secretly wishing he would leave me, which would be an easy way out for me. It didn’t happen.
The courage came when I could take no more. I was done. Nothing could have changed my mind. We went through a tough year of heartache, and several times I felt horrible for the suffering I was causing him.
Still, I did not back off. I was my rescuer standing my ground. A year later, he was getting married again to hopefully, the love of his life.
What was I afraid of? Being divorced in my early thirties alone in a country I barely spoke the language away from my family.
Our mind likes to play tricks on us. We need to have our selective listening turned on. The primitive brain wants to keep us safe in a survival mode, fighting changes at all costs while trying to stop us from taking upon any challenges.
At that time, I CHOSE to live in Canada and loved my life here, but my inner voice was trying to convince me I couldn’t do it alone, putting me in a victim’s position.
The truth was, I was already doing all on my own. I was working, doing all the house chores, and paying the bills. The fear was unfounded, and I spent six years in an unhappy relationship for no good reason.
Refuse Being A Victim.
When you accept the victim’s role, you give away your power. Usually, things happen to the victim, conveying the idea you are not in control. You are just waiting, hoping that someday, someone will rescue you.
It is a very disempowering position to be, and it doesn’t require any action from your part. You, and nobody else, are responsible for your happiness.
So girl, get up and face your problems! Don’t be like me and waste years of your life in a situation you don’t belong.
Fast forward twelve years, I spent eight years in a yoyo relationship that no matter how you slice it, the guy was bad news.
After we broke up, I had to be extremely brave to confront him in court. In a nutshell, we are talking about a guy over 6 feet tall, bodybuilder, gigantic, violent with anger issues and no respect for authority.
Feeling powerless while receiving endless threats and enduring sleepless nights, panic attacks, and most of the time, being paralyzed in fear, I did not give up.
Even though this situation involved real danger and bad things could have actually happened, something inside me told me to keep going although my brain was terrified. I prepared for the worst and made arrangements for my daughter and dogs just in case.
In the end, I chose to believe the good always prevails. Scared for my wellbeing, I knew if I wanted to have peace and be free again, I had to fight to get my life back and secure a better future for my daughter.
Having A Child.
At 38 years old, I decided I was going to have a child on my own by the age of 40. Afraid to do it alone and just on one income with no help, I went ahead with the plan. I did not have the answers but started the process anyways.
It hasn’t been a smooth sail, but I am forever thankful for having had the courage to make it happen, regardless of all the doubts. My bravery rewarded me with the most precious gift I could ever receive.
Letting A Loved One Go.
As you can see, it takes courage to be brave. Regardless of being afraid, you still take massive action.
Being courageous does not mean the absence of fear. It means you keep going even though you are scared. You choose to face your problems.
And yes, it is uncomfortable and quite painful. The truth is, it is freaking hard! And you do it anyway.
The bravest thing I have done to this day was deciding to let my beloved dog go. I fought hard to cure Brownie and did all in my power to heal him. When the time came, it crushed my soul, and I was devastated.
If I didn’t act when I had to, I would have prolonged a situation with no more favorable prognosis. In this case, I needed to respond to what was happening at that moment. I had to dig deep to find my superpower and be brave to do what had to be done. The strength here came from pure love. I did not want him to suffer.
Being Brave Takes Practice.
Not always, resolving our problems brings the desired outcome, but we cannot allow doubt to control our lives. Leaving “unfinished business” taking up all the room in our minds will only feed the fear and make your problems seem bigger than they actually are.
Anything new you try to do or any difficulty you run into will be scary. Do it anyway. If you wait until you are not afraid to take a shot at something, you won’t ever do it.
Our primitive brain will always be there, persuading us that change is not good and making us bury our problems instead of confronting them. Pay attention to who you are listening to!
It takes practice to become a courageous person. Like a muscle, you need to make a habit of being uncomfortable and constantly work on it. One day, you wake up and realize you are braver than you thought.
Because I dealt with my problems, I have my mind free to focus on new projects and my family. Things that really make a difference.
When trouble comes, I handle it! Don’t kid yourself, I am ALWAYS scared, but I take the next step anyway. And my life is so much better because I do it.
Without a doubt, I can say I am brave. I hope this post inspires you to confront your fear and move forward in your life.
Courage is inside all of us. It is a matter of digging deep and understand that we must take action despite being afraid. You can do this!
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Meet the Author
Monica Rezende is a single mom doing it all. She encourages women to uncover their superpower and go after the life of their dreams. Monica provides openhearted and valuable content to assist you in tapping into your full potential and achieve your goals. She lives in Canada with her daughter and two rescue dogs.