Being A Single Mom Is Hard!
Listen, being a single mom is hard, and nothing could be more accurate than the saying what doesn’t kill us makes us strong. I could almost go literally on this when thinking about my childbirth experience. It was traumatic!
My journey into single motherhood was mostly planned and started before the little seed’s preconception that grew in my belly.
Looking back at the days before my daughter, I was already being prepared by life for the single mother role.
It All Started With A Four-Legged Boy.
Brownie, my chocolate lab, who was also my world, was born with a life-threatening rare health condition, and we fought many battles together. I turned my life upside down and bent backwards to accommodate his needs.
There was never a moment I thought he was a burden. My actions were driven by a mother’s love for her son, never letting me lose hope. I was relentless!
What wouldn’t you do for your child? The answer is precisely what I did for my dog. Every. Freakin’. Thing!
Think about something, and I did it. I left no stone unturned and was a force to be reckoned with; this experience made me deal with many near-death situations pushing me to be stronger while being responsible for another living life.
Related: How To Let Go And Move On From Past Hurts
Working On Making My Dream A Reality.
In my thirties, I knew I wanted to have a child. In a perfect world, I would have a partner to go through this together. But regardless of the circumstances, I was decided to make it happen.
When I was 37 years old, I began to look into the process of artificial insemination and did all the tests to get the ball rolling. At that time, I was in a rocky relationship, where my boyfriend, who already had three children, did not want more kids.
And nope, I did not try to convince him that kids the more, the merrier. I let him go instead to turn all my attention and energy into making this baby become a reality and fulfill my dream of being a mother.
Trying And Failing Forward.
Anyone that has tried insemination knows the process is brutal, and it ends up taking a toll on you.
Even though my numbers were great and I was supposed to get pregnant just blinking my eyes, I went through 5 unsuccessful cycles, which hit hard my confidence and pocket.
The process affected me profoundly and messed up with my head. I cried every day, feeling unworthy of having a child as if I needed to be a better person to deserve such a blessing. I decided to take a break to regroup, work on myself, and save money for IVF (in-vitro fertilization), as that method would be almost guaranteed to get me knocked up.
Sh*t Got Real. It’s Happening!
But life had other plans for me. Somehow my ex got back in the picture, and everything was very blurry. I loved him and was vulnerable. He wanted to help me, or so he said it. You can do the math and assume the result equals to me freaking out, staring at a positive pregnancy test.
Woohoo, it was finally happening! I was over the moon and couldn’t be happier. I didn’t care what was going to happen between us. My baby was on the way, and that was what mattered to me.
My partner did not react well to the news, and we were done once again. This time there was no turning back. I made my mind, and nothing would change that. Even though I was hurt, I was ready to walk this journey alone. Scared, but excited!
This story did not end here. Among fights, abuse, violence, and court battles, lots happened. Bad things, terrible things, scary things, good things, but in the end, my daughter got what she deserved, and I just wanted the best for her.
Sometimes you win, losing.
Time To Have A Baby!
My labour experience was horrendous, and I don’t want to traumatize anyone with the details. I worked until the day I was admitted to be induced as the doctor would not let me go longer than forty weeks of pregnancy because of my age. I was forty.
My mom was with me at the hospital and couldn’t watch me suffer anymore. She just turned off and slept through the ordeal, and I don’t blame her.
At that moment, I was on my own and understood the responsibility and commitment involved in being a single mother. You are the one, my friend, to do it all.
Your Life Is Turned Upside Down.
Being a single mom is hard! No matter if you are scared, in pain, sick or exhausted, you need to keep showing up because there is another human being relying solely on you.
Your priorities shift, your life changes, and just like that, you must become a superhuman because you have no choice. You step up your game and give your best shot in all you do.
Julia was born close to Christmas. I remember bringing her home and thinking about my Christmas present and how it can never be beaten. I felt blessed and thankful.
We Had A Rough Start.
The first few months were tough. I knew it would be hard, but I had no idea how much. I ended up having an emergency C-section, and because I am allergic to all the things, the doctors did not prescribe me pain medication.
After the surgery, you are supposed to rest. I couldn’t do it. Brownie needed to be carried outside to do his business as he did not walk down the stairs, and holding him was my job. He weighed 75 lbs.
Because of that, I was in excruciating pain and ended up having problems to heal. Julia barely slept at night. She cried All. The. Freakin’. Time. I had to place her on top of me to calm down for a few minutes.
Sleeping deprivation is no joke. I thought I was going to lose my mind. I was barely surviving in 1 to 2 hours of sleep, which tanked my mood and took me to a dark place. I felt lonely and angry.
The exhaustion was such I couldn’t think straight. I had two months and a half of maternity leave, and things got much more challenging when I got back to work.
Things Started To Sink In And We Got Into A Routine.
It took around eight months for me to fully process the changes in my life and be in a better place mentally. Everything started to sink in. I was a mother, doing all on my own, so better get used to it and do something to make the best of it.
To live the life you want requires some sacrifice. Being a mom is hard. Being a single mom is harder. I started to find smarter ways to do things and created a routine that worked for us.
Cheesy as it sounds, Julia is my dream that came true and the reason behind everything I do. She brightens my days. My daughter is sassy, full of life, funny, smart, and loving. I am a better person because of her.
Little Miss Sunshine is my accountability partner. If I don’t work out in the morning, she wants to know why. My meditation time is sacred, and she waits for that.
It Is All On You… And That Is Okay!
Life is not all roses and rainbows here, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Being a single mom means having to clean the house, do groceries, pay all the bills, work on weekends and nights. Take the garbage out, cook, pack lunches, walk the dogs, do the laundry, wash the dishes, fix anything in the house, make sure the car runs smooth, choose your kid’s education, make all the decisions on your own, and accept the consequences. I could keep going on and on. The list is endless!
Whatever happens, you must be accountable for the good AND the bad. The responsibility is all yours. You can’t blame anyone else. There are struggles, but mostly, there is laughter, love, happiness and a sense that I have hit the jackpot.
Being a single mom that is solo parenting makes me feel empowered. Nothing can bring me down, and the strength and courage I gained from this experience give me an advantage in life.
Being A Single Mom Is Hard, But So Rewarding…
This family I have today, I fought for it and did not accept no as an answer, nor did I give up. I kept failing forward.
I hope my story inspires you and shows that your dream is worth pursuing. My life is a million times better because of my daughter, and I cannot imagine it being any different. And I don’t want it to be!
The single mom struggles? You get through it. We all do. The pride and the rewarding feeling of accomplishment for raising a child on your own? Priceless!
Nothing is impossible! Can you imagine if we can do this, what else is possible? We are relentless. We are fighters!
Related: A Shout Out To Single Moms That Do It All (And Make Look Easy)